


With a pinch of salt.

by CreamcheeseBagel



Series: Demon boy, I love you. [1]
Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series)
Genre: Demon Shane Madej, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Minor Injuries, Minor Violence, Ryan Bergara Being an Idiot, Ryan is salty, Scared Ryan Bergara, Shane Being an Asshole, Shane Madej Being an Idiot, Shane is hurt, Swearing, The Ghoul Boys (Buzzfeed Unsolved), local demon boy is also a salt machine, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-17
Updated: 2020-03-17
Packaged: 2021-03-01 01:40:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,894
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23187166
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CreamcheeseBagel/pseuds/CreamcheeseBagel
Summary: Whilst playing with his water-pistol, filled with holy water no less, Ryan discovers a demon wearing his friends skin.‘You’d be the least likely to be possessed,’ Shane states around the finishing bite of his bagel, having caught the last sentence of the tangent. ‘Too close to Hell. They’d think they’re going back.’Rated M for Minor Violence and Swearing.
Relationships: Ryan Bergara & Shane Madej, Ryan Bergara/Shane Madej
Series: Demon boy, I love you. [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1677571
Comments: 6
Kudos: 517





	With a pinch of salt.

**Author's Note:**

> Please be aware that this writing is completely fictional, and the pair are imagining's of the real deal.
> 
> Also due to our favourite gangly man being a demon in said fic, this is rated M for language and minor violence.
> 
> No shipping, just two best friends dealing with the fact that one happens to be a demon. Just your average paranormal shenanigans.

Shane lounged backwards in the booth, content. It hadn’t been a surprise that Ryan had invited him to socialise outside of work; but it wasn’t something the pair did often enough, so he was happy to entertain Ryan’s incessant need to discuss the paranormal. Infact the pair had even booked a hotel room for the long weekend of drinking.

‘You’d be the least likely to be possessed,’ Shane states around the finishing bite of his bagel, having caught the last sentence of the tangent. ‘Too close to Hell. They’d think they’re going back.’

‘Oh,’ Ryan replied as he continued to gesture animatedly. ‘Would you be a better host then? With your gangly arms?’. He shook his arms for good measure and Shane took the window to lean forwards and pluck the bagel from his hand.

‘Good reach on the ole limbs,’ he smiled wryly, dropping the bagel back onto Ryan’s plate. He settled back into the booth, silently judging his friend on the copious amounts of salt now on his fries and also for the godawful café he’d selected.

‘Okay, hellspawn,’ Shane nodded his head for Ryan to continue. ‘Hostage situation over. Aren’t you scared, or like worried? All these times you know. We could have brought something back with us…,’ Ryan whispered quickly, playing with the fries on his plate. Shane quirked a brow and shifted to lean against the wall.

‘Nope,’ Shane yawned, basking in the early morning sun against the window. He didn’t care to elaborate.

‘Sleeping Beauty.’

Shane pretended to snore, loud and embarrassing. He cracked open an eye as a salt laden fry pinged across the table and slapped him in the cheek.

‘Yikes. No one teach you _not_ to play with your food?’ he snaps, forcing the words to soften on his tongue. Ryan blinks owlishly, staring with an intent look often reserved for his investigations. Feeling both the prickle of his cheek and the depth of Ryan’s stare, Shane forces himself to rescue the fry from his lap and promptly swallows it.

‘Yum,’ he forces out, swallowing thickly. The salt burns a trail down his esophagus. Not the brightest idea he’s ever had, it certainly won’t eviscerate him but he knows he’ll have a nice sore throat for a few hours. ‘Ease up on the salt, buddy.’

Ryan relaxes back, laughing. His eyes soften and his frown vanishes, and Shane is sure he’s escaped Ryan’s intrigue for the time being.

‘You good? You’re looking kinda tired.’

‘These bags are one of a kind,’ Shane laughed, idly scratching sensation back into his cheek. ‘Designer baby. Just tired, I guess. You did call me at like what, eleven?.’

‘Normal people are usually up by eleven.’

‘Ryan. Are you generalising?’

Ryan rolls his eyes and kicks him under the table. ‘Wanna go watch people fall off their skateboards?’

‘Can’t wait to see some gnarly ghosts and their radical moves,’ Shane teases.

‘A skateboarding ghost would be a great find!’

‘Yeah. If ghosts even exist. Which they don’t.’

* * *

The pair find themselves haunting the skatepark for hours; Ryan chatting idly with both Shane and locals alike.

After the fourth sunburnt civilian having professed to seeing shadowy figures however, Ryan had disappeared to look at the supposed evidence of their visits, the amass of demonic graffiti littered here and there. Shane, still being able to spy Ryan as he dodged children on bikes, sat on a low ramp. He circled a scrawled pentagram with one hand and scoured Instagram with the other.

‘Shane!’ Ryan shouted, after what felt like hours. Shane squinted at the hues of pink adorning the sky and scoffed. It had been hours. ‘The graffiti here is crazy,’ Ryan elaborates as he bangs his way up the small ramp to sit beside his friend. ‘Hey, sorry about leaving you. It’s crazy how many pentagrams doodles I’ve seen.’

‘Who knew budding cultists hit the rails in their spare time?’

Ryan climbed to his feet atop the ramp and overlooked the emptying skatepark. He felt like a King surveying his wealth.

‘I’ve found our next location! Right here.’

‘Ryan you’ll break your neck,’ Shane sighed, resisting the urge to pull Ryan to safety. ‘The fans will miss you.’

Ryan waved away Shane’s comments but sat beside him once again.

‘I really appreciate you putting up with this,’ Ryan laughed, producing a terribly wrapped present from his jacket.

‘You shouldn’t have.’

‘Just open it. I know it’s dumb. But it’s so fitting!’ Ryan was excited as he shoved the lump into Shane’s hands.

Shane felt an icy chill form in the pit of his stomach. ‘You shouldn’t have,’ he repeated through numb lips as he unwrapped the plastic water pistol. It sloshed in his lap. ‘No thanks.’

‘What?’ Ryan squawked, shoving the water pistol back into Shane’s hands. ‘It’s a gift.’

‘Didn’t buy you anything!’ Shane laughed, not feeling the humour. ‘Kinda rude.’ He scurried down the ramp until he was staring Ryan directly in the eyes. He shrugged nonchantly, gift guiltily abandoned. The attempts at clearing the air fell on deaf ears.

‘You’re my partner in crime. I know you don’t _believe_. But I’d rather you be safe as well. You know, just in case.’

Shane ran a hand through his hair, inwardly cursing at the small tremble. ‘I’m a big boy, Ryan.’

‘So,’ Ryan asked, standing again, his trigger finger toying with the gun. ‘You think you’re too cool for a water pistol, Madej?’.

‘Well infact-‘ a quick burst of water arched high, the remnants splashing Shane’s exposed wrists. Shane twisted, lurched away. The sizzle was louder than the pain thrumming beneath his tendons.

‘The fuck?’ Ryan shouted, raising the water pistol as though he were about to execute a head shot. ‘What happened? Show me your arms.’

Shane shook his head heavily and shoved his hands deep in his trouser pockets. He didn’t trust the glint in Ryan’s eye, the steadiness to his grip.

‘Show me your arms, Shane.’

‘Goddamnit, Ryan. Stop spooking yourself. Scared me was all. Gave me the big spook!’

Ryan slid down the ramp and snatched at Shane’s arm, yanking the taller man towards him. Shane felt ridiculous as Ryan manhandled his arm before him and unfurled the appendage. His wrist shone, shiny and blistered. Ryan pushed a thumb into the pattern and Shane recoiled.

Shane twisted in Ryan’s vice like grip, stopping only when a piece of plastic speared his stomach. He froze, looking from the improvised weapon shoved against him to his friends bewildered eyes.

‘You have ten seconds to tell me why holy water just burned you.’

‘Two minutes would be fair,’ Shane breathed, feeling his jaw clench. The plastic muzzle pinched. ‘Okay, Mulder. Take a breath. It’s me, Shane.’

‘Liar,’ Ryan hissed and Shane felt the concrete before he felt his body fall. He cried out as Ryan expertly swept his ankles from under him, and smacked his head hard.

Shane groaned against the nausea. He closed his eyes to the rolling world, his collapsing existence. He heard the pop of Ryan’s trusty grinder of Salt and kicked out. He didn’t mean to hurt Ryan as he rolled, slamming his heel out to disrupt any attempted circle. Ryan yelped and limped away. Both men having taken position at either end of the broken seal.

‘You tried to trap me!’ Shane snapped, kicking his boots through the lines of salt. Ryan’s face twisted.

‘You nearly broke my ankle!’

Shane got to his feet, scowl fixed firmly in place.

‘No,’ Ryan said, gesturing with the gun for Shane to move away. ‘Get on your knees, demon.’

‘Kinky-‘ Shane leapt away from the spray of holy water. ‘Little shit. Stop being so damn trigger happy and listen to me already.’

Ryan stepped closer. ‘You’re a parasite’. Shane stared down at him. ‘How long have you been using him?’.

‘I’ve been Shane this whole time. Kid got popped out and died. I was there as soon as he flatlined. I _am_ Shane.’

‘No. Demons are adverse to salt. Shane ate one of my fries this morning.’

Shane raised his hands slowly in surrender. ‘I also didn’t like the look of the kale in your bagel. But if we’re talking salt, my throat still hurts. Now stop-‘

‘If you say being salty, I will exorcise you,’ Ryan warned, catching a smile and deadpanning.

‘Ryan. I really don’t know what to say.’

‘You’ve lied to me for so long…’

Shane exhaled sharply and slapped the water pistol from Ryan’s hands. Both men blinked in alarm. Shane raised his hands to his chest again, palms outwards.

‘Sorry. Not really but come on, I didn’t need to be spritzed randomly.’ He pinched the bridge of his nose. ‘Also, how would someone just casually drop into convo that they’re not human? Oh hey, feeling horny if you catch my drift.’

Ryan sagged.

‘I don’t want to go away, Ryan. I’m your friend and I’ve never intentionally hurt you. Aside from the short jokes…’.

‘You can’t joke this away.’

‘I know,’ Shane breathed, gingerly laying his hand on Ryan’s shoulder. He ignored the flinch, buried the fact that he had forever scared his best friend. ‘I’m sorry you found out this way.’

‘So am I,’ Ryan ducked his head. ‘I’m scared, Shane. Shitting myself scared.’

‘Do you want me to leave?’

Ryan shoved Shane away, balling his fists. ‘You get that I’m confused. Angry. But you leaving probably wouldn’t help. What, you Uber home and we just pretend this didn’t happen?.’

‘I could Uber home and we _text_ ,’ Shane offered lamely, deciding Ryan was currently too delicate to accept any jokes on teleportation.

‘You’d really let me just go home?’

‘Jesus, Ryan. I’m not kidnapping you. Maybe just don’t tell anyone?’

Ryan pushed his knuckles to his eyes and breathed deeply. ‘If I believe that you are, Shane. My Shane. Why are you here, searching for ghosts? You don’t even – even I don’t know what’s real anymore.’

‘Breathe,’ Shane whispered, gently pulling Ryan’s hands away. ‘You’re my best friend. What you lack in height you make up for in-‘ Ryan sniffled, smiling weakly. ‘Look. I’m not going to eat you or anything stupid. I’m like an intern demon. And I love being a ghoulboy. You’re fun.’

‘I need time to think. Get my head round this. Do you have horns?’

‘One step at a time, kiddo. Let’s Uber to the hotel. If you want to salt circle me and talk, you can. Just let me out at some point. I still need to eat and piss.’

Ryan wheezed and nodded, looking Shane in the eye with a nod. ‘Is it weird to Uber with a demon?’

‘Shut up. You’re sharing a ride with me, Shane. Your friend who just happens to be a demon…’

‘So, uh, did you choose to be so…tall?’

‘Ryan! That’s so rude,’ Shane laughed, feeling the tension uncoil around them. ‘This is purely genetics. My parents are still my parents.’

‘So this means I’ve been right the whole time then? About ghosts.’

Shane scrunched his face and threw his hands up, shrugging. Ryan couldn’t help but laugh, relieved and exhausted all at once.

‘Definitely a bigger _dick_ than demon,’ Ryan chuckled, retrieving the water pistol. He glanced at Shane and his poor attempts at hiding his wrists and tossed the plastic away.

‘Mm you said it.’


End file.
